I HATE it. Being FAT.

Dear beloved readers,

Well, it's time for my rantings again. I swore in my New Year resolutions that I would regularly update and write in this blog, and being a gentleman and a man of my word, I do what I say. ;)

The thing is, all my life, I've either been chubby or fat. Which is pretty much a bummer, to say the least. At my heaviest, I weighed at least 216 pounds (98 kilograms) and being the 5"6 (1.69 meters) guy that I am, I really though I was pushing it when compared to my height. My BMI sky-rocketed to 34.9 and that REALLY is unhealthy. My heaviest weight may mean nothing to you guys, but being in an Asian country with their smaller builds, it meant that I was automatically labeled "the fat guy" in any group I was in. Sure, I tried to cover my weakness by being the nicest and most reliable guy around and by being super friendly to everybody I did win over many friends, but in my heart I always knew that people would always refer to me as the "fatty" or make fat jokes when I'm not around. It didn't help that even my relatives that came over during festivities would mention how "hefty" I was to my mum and my mum would try to help me out by explaining that I was just "big boned". I tried my best to not listen to the others, but there is only so much a person can endure before he or she is reduced to a crying mess by all the criticisms floating around.

Being drafted to do National Service for my country helped a bit, and slowly I slimmed down to 192 pounds over the course of 2 years. I still was fat, but I looked in better shape than I ever did in my entire life. After my National Service ended and I entered university, I decided that I wanted to lose weight further by joining their Martial Arts Club. I joined Silat.

The very first training session that I attended I felt very awkward and shy. All the other people that joined the club already had "muscular" or "svelte" bodies and I was the only "fatso" around. The coaches then began their lessons. Right from the beginning, I didn't feel outcast-ed. In fact, they were very supportive of me and encouraged me more when I told them that I had joined the club to lose more weight.

Dear readers, I had learned so much from the coaches of my Martial Arts Club, and I really feel like sharing the knowledge with you readers out there. If you feel that you are unfit or overweight and want to lose some of those pounds and feel better overall, then you must remember 3 important steps:

1) Get yourself a support group. It can be your best friend or a group of close friends. Tell them the reason(s) that you want to lose weight, and tell them it would mean so much to you if they would help you. Tell them how much weight you want to lose and the period of time taken. Tell them about all the difficulties you have losing weight. They don't even need to give you advise, the very act of telling them already enforces to yourself that you want to make the change. Tell them all the small decrements of weight that you achieve, no matter how small. And when the going gets tough, they'll be your lifeline to pull you through, just by being there and listening.

2) Create a list of 5 things that you will achieve by loosing weight. It could be anything from being more attractive to members of the opposite sex or being able to fit into a stylish piece of clothing that you always want to wear. Paste it beside your dressing mirror and look at it EVERY DAY to remind yourself and to keep yourself motivated. I cannot stress how important this is in increasing your willpower so that you will achieve your goals.

3)  Exercise more and eat lesser. SLOWLY AND STEADILY. Start very small like eating one less Oreo cookie packet during snack time or climbing that short flight of stairs to reach one level higher. DO NOT rush and do intense exercises or deliberately starve yourself in hopes that you will be thinner the next day. SLOWLY AND STEADILY is the keyword here, and building and acclimatizing yourself up would be the way to go. Most of the time we want to see results fast, but in the journey of losing weight it is very difficult to achieve. You did not gain 50 pounds overnight, it might have taken months or even years, so why are you beating yourself up when you can't lose the weigh fast? Step number 2 is very important in working with step number 3 to maintain your willpower and help you through your journey.

Most of us have a busy lifestyle (work, school, activities, etc) and lament that we really can't find time to exercise. This is why we must MAKE time for exercise. Living healthily is a choice, and with every choice worth choosing, it will come with sacrifices. For example, every Saturday, instead of choosing to watch the television, why don't you spend just 30 minutes having a walk around the neighborhood instead? You don't need to walk fast, just the act of walking itself will burn of a few calories. You might say that it is very little, but if you do it regularly every Saturday you will find yourself to be more energetic and in turn wanting to do more activities. And this positive cycle continues on and on. I myself am on this journey to losing weight, and will regularly update this blog about my achievements.

Well, that's all my ranting for today. I had hoped to write a better piece of work, but this didn't turn out so bad. :) I'll refine this post further as time goes by.

As always,
Lokman

Back at it again. At last.

Dear beloved readers,

Oh my god, how very long has it been since I've began writing? I know I know, I mean, I keep saying, I keep promising to myself that I will regularly write on this blog and true enough, a couple months will pass by and not a thing will be written. But hey, it's a brand new start to a brand new year, so why not continue this blog and start off with a bang?

Anyway, so very much has been happening, and where do I begin? I mean, I could regale to you guys the moment I went psycho and suicidal and try to off myself but hey, I don't like to dwell on bad memories and that's another story for another day for you readers. Well, I'm finally in a university (National University of Singapore by the way, studying Computing Science) and that I'm loving every moment of it. And oh, I've joined the martial arts team in my school (it's Silat by the way, look it up, I'm sure it won't disappoint you.) and life as I know it couldn't be better. I've starting praying a lot and it brings me a sense of peace to do so.

I've also tried my hand at being in relationships by so far not so good. I mean, it's kinda hard for me. :\ Maybe I don't have the right "mojo"? Or maybe I'm acting too eager? I don't know what it is, but I've learnt a lot from all these complicated stuff that I've been through.

Hey, writing really it therapeutic! Besides, this feels like a sounding board to reflect all of my thoughts into the world out there. I mean, I hope that there's somebody out there on the other side of the world reading my blog and saying "Yeah, I know what you mean." and unconsciously nodding their heads... Haha I'm imagining too much. :)

I've read a lot of blogs and learnt much from what's out there. And I realize that the best of them, the one with plenty of readers, convey their messages pretty much like stories and makes walking or jogging through a park as dangerous and exciting as one of those action thriller movies like "Mission Impossible". I'm going to make it my new year resolution to be able to write like that. And to write regularly too. Cross my heart :)

And yeah, I would kinda love to have feedback from my readers! If I have any that is haha :P It's just that deep down in my heart there's somebody out there that takes a interest in my life, or any life for that matter, because, isn't that what being human is supposed to be? I mean, the sharing of life stories all inter-connected into this one giant web where we all affect each other. Well, that's how I view the human spirit anyway. Till, next time, as always. :)

The one who wishes all those who read this a Happy 2012,
Lokman

Love, oh love. I gotta tell you how I feel about you.

Dear beloved readers,

Well, to tell you the truth, I did the unthinkable about two days ago.

You see, there was this girl that I was having a mad crush on. Met her while she was working as an Insurance Agent, attracting customers on a busy street full of the working class. Me being naive and all, thought that she genuinely wanted to just complete a survey and get it done with. Lo and behold, we started making small talk. And I was instantly mesmerized. :)

She displayed a very bubbly personality and laughter that melted my heart. We chatted about the usual stuff, the weather and all, and I could sense the intelligence and warmth behind this lady. So against all hope I asked for her number. She gave it with a smile, I think she too thought that we had some sort of connection.

That was eight months ago.

You see, National Service really had put a dent on my free time. The only contact that we had were the messages that I would sent her through the phone. And I was a very, very, erratic messenger, mind you.

Which brings us to what I did a few days ago. You see, me, being the SUPER ULTRA scaredy-cat that I am, never got the courage to ask her out. Consulted various friends about this, and the result was a large consensus of face-palms all around. I was just THAT afraid.

One day, I just told myself to let it go and just see what happens. So I did send her a message. (After careful consultation and editing by my dear friend Jasmine who constantly berated me "to be MORE CONFIDENT!")

From the bottom of my heart, I told her that I was very mesmerized by her the very first time I saw her and was enchanted by her eyes. Then I told her that I would most probably crash and burn by asking her out for coffee to get to know her better.

You know, life is damn funny in a couple of odd ways. You work so hard to get something that you want, but sometimes, all you have to is ask. And hope and pray with all your heart.

She said yes. Yes, I would love to have coffee with you. Which, after I received the message the next morning, sent me to a state of complete bliss and serenity. Nothing anyone said or did could spoil my day.

So now, I'm planning on which would be the perfect place for the date. A few locations had already come to my mind (my dear friend Solihin smacked me in the head for thinking of Starbucks), but I'm settling for a cozy Arabian Cafe. Hope it all turns out fine. Haven't even set the date yet. Pffth. Haha.

Moral of the story kids: Just asketh, and thou shalt receiveth. Haha. :) Mama always said that life is like a box of chocolates, you never know whatcha' gonna get.

Hope it all goes well,
Lokman

Out of the fire and into the sea. Soccer outing, anyone?

Dear beloved readers,

Hey blog, how's it been? Lengthy time since I've touched you. I'm supposed to be writing again, cause my counselor says it's therapeutic for my soul? Whatever. The thing is, so much frustration, so little time, don't know where to begin. She says to just bear it all, so here I go, writing while listening to the "Ballad of Mona Lisa" by Panic! At The Disco. Kinda' like the vibe of the song. The innocent soul? The wronged? Injustice finally revealed? Ok, I'm a take a step back, getting too morbid and sad here.

Well, the thing is, I want to so much be in touch with my friends again, it all seems so very difficult with the fiasco that just happened between us a few weeks ago and I don't know how to patch things up again. Since when did planning an event get to be so stressful? I mean, all you have to do is to call up a few friends, set a location and date, and be there right? How hard is that? Well, for the people in my life, that simple request seems to take mammoth amounts of time and energy to accomplish. Some have work on that day, others can't make it, some can only make it for a while, yadda yadda yadda... The list seems to go on and on. And in my mind, the main factor I keep deducting that is keeping us apart is simple: Work.

I'm not saying that work is not important, I mean, we all gotta' be paying our own bills right, but what I really feel is that we, AS FRIENDS, really need to make it work by setting aside some of our time for each other. Eh, now I can really see that writing really is therapeutic. :)

I've identified the main villain here. So next, I gotta take steps to vanquish him away! Well, what I did in that respect was to organize a soccer event. All expense paid trip by me. Oh boy, yeah, smart idea, dumb for my wallet. Everything will be provided for (gotta' factor in the food, drinks, transportation) and all they gotta do is just show up. Simple and sweet. You see, I'm the type of guy who really likes big outings where all of my friends are together, having a good time.

Good lord, please don't let it fail on me now.


Truthfully and as always,
Lokman

P.S. Any of you guys out there from the States? Don't see a lot of Asian dudes writing like me, don't ya? :P

The New Life Of Lokman

Hi all,

Finally, I'm writing again. After countless half-baked attempts and what-not. *Sighs* Life's no longer a breeze for me. The world just passes me by, and I feel stuck. The root cause of the problem? NS (National Service). Need I say more?

The old timers say your service years will pass you by swiftly, bringing with it found memories that can only be built up by constantly being in close contact with the other person. Well readers, that, in my opinion, is a half-truth at its best, and an outright lie at its worst. When, will my time end? I feel as thought as there are invisible shackles locking up my wrists, and a very heavy burden on my shoulders. The truth of the matter is, lately, I've been feeling very depressed. For reasons that I can't elaborate on due to the NS censorship, I've been feeling very down on my luck.

God.... I look at my old entries, and I really can't believe how happy and joyful I sound. I hope there's still a glimmer left of that old me when I come out of NS. Hey, I'm so down, I cheer myself up by looking at my old entries. How pathetic can I get? :P

Well, at least I know I still got a bit of that old joker in me. I believe writing things out really helps. It's no good keeping everything balled up inside of you. You'll eat your own heart out.

Since it's the beginning of a new year, let's start things out fresh and clean. So, I'll reintroduce myself to you, my faithful readers.

Hi, my name is Lokman Hakim and I'm currently serving my National Service. I lost a lot of weight, probably around 15 - 13 kilo grammes, so I definitely don't look like the old me. (I look better, I hope. :P) I love reading and learning, especially since my NS job is so...., so very boring. I've read a lot of books and went to some courses on Human Behavior, so I'm some sort of a Profiler now. Don't get me started on what I can tell you about yourself just by looking at your shoes. I'm going to NUS studying Computing Science after this NS stint with my best buddy from polytechnic, Phyo, whom I very much respect and adore. Can't really wait for my service to finish, so that I'll be able to F**K OFF. (Avid readers, excuse the explicit language, if you know me in real life you know that I'm a person who doesn't use swear languages at all. Well, a testament to what NS will do to you. Beware boys!) I sincerely love hanging out with my friends, especially the old onces, since I don't get to be with them a lot these days. I really believe in my heart, I'm the kind of guy who'll do almost anything for a true friend, no matter the consequences. I'd like to think that everyone would know me as a super happy and jovial person, even though lately I've pretty much been otherwise. I'd like to keep up the image though.

I want to know again. To feel again. To live again. Just like I was before. I guess the whole point of me rambling on and on from the top of this entry is needly summed up in those few sentences. But, whatever it is, whatever will come, I know that time and tide wait for no man, and surely, one day, I will be set free. I will be set free. I will LIVE again.

The Ramblings Of Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger,

Lokman

Happy Birthday, Lokman. :P

Hi all,

My fellow readers, here I am again, unable to explain to you about my enormous relapse into laziness and not posting a new entry since... well, never. I hope you can forgive me, and continue to enjoy stories from my blog. I really need to cleanse this habit of procrastination from myself, for this point of time in my life I am at a crossroads, where every move I make may determine my future forever. A lot has happened since my last post, and as god is my witness, I shall try my best to write them all down in my later entries.

Today is a special day for me. I've just celebrated my Birthday. I should be happy. But I'm freaking sad now. Sad to the core. Sad to the depths of my soul. And tired. Because, on this day, of all days, I found out about an impending dateline for my all important Major Project. And the dateline is on NEXT MONDAY, 12/01/2009. I guess some of you don't understand what the big fuss is all about. Well, this project is about the last of my subjects that i need to take, and it represents a HUGE chunk of my scores and will affect my GPA tremendously.

Imaging 3 years of hard work, all gone down the drain because of one lazy ass mistake. Me. But hey, today's my birthday. So I'm going to really try to enjoy my Chocolate Fudge Cheese Cake. Must have cost a fortune. Thanks Mom. Happy Birthday Lokman. Hang on to the ride of your life. :P

Moi Birthday Cake. :P

The Story (Prologue)

In the beginning...

Well, to begin with, the story that I'm going to tell  isn't actually quite interesting. To be frank, it's quite boring. In fact, it's so boring, the proper word that should be used on this story would be mundane. But, as luck would have it, that in this story, as also in all other stories that you have read or heard or else there wouldn't be a story, something happens, and it changes everything forever. 

How shall we begin? Well, not long ago, somewhere in the peninsular of...  Wait, wait... this is too long winded. Well let's just begin with our character shall we? Some time ago, maybe a few months ago, there was a not quite so ordinary boy. He fancied himself to be a traveller of sorts, and not having seen or heard anything out of his home or country, longed to travelled. In his heart, he yearned to experience the world. So when opportunity came, he decided to set his sights on the land down-under, Australia, without his family. He had with him a single, clear, focused purpose: to touch a kangaroo.

Now, you might think that the boy was foolish to have thought such a thing. I mean, who in the world would have heard of such a thing? Clearly this boy is not thinking clearly, or perhaps, not deeply enough? Travelling to a far away destination just for the chance to pet an animal? The others thought. But in this boy's heart, it was a lifetime dream, and once he was set on something, he would try his best to uphold it.

So the boy went. He still had to appear normal to the others, so, still under the pretense, he went working while he was there. Luckily enough for the boy, he had a good friend to travel along with him, and also to guide him along while he was there. The friend of the boy was always helpful, and also tried his best to help the boy.

And so the boy worked. And waited, for the chance, the thought deep somewhere at the back of his mind, but always, always there. The boy made many a good friends in the land down under. Some became very close to him, others were just casual friends, some were just formal acquaintances, but all we still well respected. The boy laughed. Sometimes he cried, missing his home. He did his work faithfully, and ever so subtly, found himself slowly, but surely, growing up. He enjoyed everything he experienced, and was very thankful that he made the journey.

In our story, the not quite so ordinary boy did managed to touch a kangaroo, but in the process, unwittingly put himself through the greatest journey of all: the journey of life. How did this happen? You would ask. He grew from the experience - and the experience grew with him. When it was time for the boy to return home from his journey, he wept, remembering everything that he had done.

You might think that this story is good and meaningful, or you might find it incomplete, or simply lacking a good goal or a plot. But, that's just the way the story goes. Then again, I did tell you that it was sort of mundane. But I can draw for you one conclusion, and this is just my conclusion, everyone else is entitled to their own based on what they think the story means: the next time you decide to do something, wait, no, how shall I put it, really want to do something, why not? Well, you might just be surprised where life brings you based on your decisions.