I've cried.
Then I've cried some more. I've no more tears to give. She left me about a week ago. And the pain. It shoots up straight from your spine up to your heart then to your very soul. Sometimes I don't think I can ever be the same person again.I gave all of my heart to her, and when she left all that was left was the shell.
I've spent years of my life with her. Every single thing reminds me one way or another about her. From the places we used to visit to the things we used to do. Whenever I thought about the future, I never saw any other woman but her as my wife. Visions of having kids together. A house and a home. Hobbies we could try out. Schools we would want our kids to hopefully be in.
The pain sometimes gets too unbearable that I've oftentimes felt like banging my head on the wall so that I can get a concussion and finally knock myself out. And get some sleep.
For me, the world died when she left. For the world, it was just another Monday.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Uncertainty and Instability in Life - How do you cope?
Yikes!
I certainly don't do this blog justice. I mean... I know, I promise to write regularly and then what do I do? I forget about do it. Like literally every time. I'm kinda laughing now, this whole "promise to write but I never do" has become some sort of running joke in my life. Haha.
Well my dear readers, you ask: so Lokman, what's been happening in your life lately? Well. It's been good and fun and all that, but currently I've been under intense pressure in trying to start up my own business. I mean it's exciting and fun and exhilarating in the beginning but now I'm facing lots of uncertainty... AND Instability. The thing is, my last two projects failed miserably and at the moment of writing this I'm down to my last 20 bucks... That's how serious it's getting. I didn't plan on losing a project and a source of income, let alone TWO. But what am i to do? Life sometimes likes to throw you that kind of curveballs... ESPECIALLY when you're already down and out of your luck. I think that's the reason why people are so fond of the saying "It never rains but it pours".
Ultimately, I really think the universe is kinda testing my determination because if one thing I know for certain is that you need tenacity and boundless perseverance to pursue your dreams and it's always the darkest before the dawn. Heh. Look at me. I'm entirely speaking in tired old cliches right now.
So my dear readers, any suggestions on how to cope when all you see is despair and hopelessness of the situation? It has always been my dream of opening up and operating my very own successful IT company and I really do love programming work. I never thought of myself doing anything else, and I would rather struggle with all my might do chase my dreams than to settle down and get a job in a corporate office (not that I have anything against it, it's just that that structure isn't the life for me). But it looks like for now I need to put my dreams on hold because really, dreams don't pay the bills. My lovely girlfriend suggested that I work for a couple of years to save the capital and start all over again when I'm older, but I've always harbored this feeling that by then, middle age would already have set in and I'd be too comfortable to chase for more. All I'm saying is that I don't want to regret anything in my life and I believe wholeheartedly that this line of work is my passion and my desire. I don't want my dreams to die. Ever. Because if they do then I'd be a broken man.
So i'm doing my damnest till the day I die to struggle and fight for my dreams. No matter what it takes. I can live being poor and miserable, but I don't think I can if my dreams are broken. I just can't. I have too much pride, this I know. It's gonna be my downfall someday.
Glad that I got all this off my chest. Just needed a place to talk, even if it's to myself and even if no one sees this. Well, that's all I got for today. Hopefully I'd FINALLY not renegade on my promises and spend more time writing down more posts on this blog.
Your friendly neighborhood bloggerman.
Lokman
P.S. if you're ever interested in seeing my site, here you go: LINC
I certainly don't do this blog justice. I mean... I know, I promise to write regularly and then what do I do? I forget about do it. Like literally every time. I'm kinda laughing now, this whole "promise to write but I never do" has become some sort of running joke in my life. Haha.
Well my dear readers, you ask: so Lokman, what's been happening in your life lately? Well. It's been good and fun and all that, but currently I've been under intense pressure in trying to start up my own business. I mean it's exciting and fun and exhilarating in the beginning but now I'm facing lots of uncertainty... AND Instability. The thing is, my last two projects failed miserably and at the moment of writing this I'm down to my last 20 bucks... That's how serious it's getting. I didn't plan on losing a project and a source of income, let alone TWO. But what am i to do? Life sometimes likes to throw you that kind of curveballs... ESPECIALLY when you're already down and out of your luck. I think that's the reason why people are so fond of the saying "It never rains but it pours".
Ultimately, I really think the universe is kinda testing my determination because if one thing I know for certain is that you need tenacity and boundless perseverance to pursue your dreams and it's always the darkest before the dawn. Heh. Look at me. I'm entirely speaking in tired old cliches right now.
So my dear readers, any suggestions on how to cope when all you see is despair and hopelessness of the situation? It has always been my dream of opening up and operating my very own successful IT company and I really do love programming work. I never thought of myself doing anything else, and I would rather struggle with all my might do chase my dreams than to settle down and get a job in a corporate office (not that I have anything against it, it's just that that structure isn't the life for me). But it looks like for now I need to put my dreams on hold because really, dreams don't pay the bills. My lovely girlfriend suggested that I work for a couple of years to save the capital and start all over again when I'm older, but I've always harbored this feeling that by then, middle age would already have set in and I'd be too comfortable to chase for more. All I'm saying is that I don't want to regret anything in my life and I believe wholeheartedly that this line of work is my passion and my desire. I don't want my dreams to die. Ever. Because if they do then I'd be a broken man.
So i'm doing my damnest till the day I die to struggle and fight for my dreams. No matter what it takes. I can live being poor and miserable, but I don't think I can if my dreams are broken. I just can't. I have too much pride, this I know. It's gonna be my downfall someday.
Glad that I got all this off my chest. Just needed a place to talk, even if it's to myself and even if no one sees this. Well, that's all I got for today. Hopefully I'd FINALLY not renegade on my promises and spend more time writing down more posts on this blog.
Your friendly neighborhood bloggerman.
Lokman
P.S. if you're ever interested in seeing my site, here you go: LINC
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