Finally, I'm writing again. After countless half-baked attempts and what-not. *Sighs* Life's no longer a breeze for me. The world just passes me by, and I feel stuck. The root cause of the problem? NS (National Service). Need I say more?
The old timers say your service years will pass you by swiftly, bringing with it found memories that can only be built up by constantly being in close contact with the other person. Well readers, that, in my opinion, is a half-truth at its best, and an outright lie at its worst. When, will my time end? I feel as thought as there are invisible shackles locking up my wrists, and a very heavy burden on my shoulders. The truth of the matter is, lately, I've been feeling very depressed. For reasons that I can't elaborate on due to the NS censorship, I've been feeling very down on my luck.
God.... I look at my old entries, and I really can't believe how happy and joyful I sound. I hope there's still a glimmer left of that old me when I come out of NS. Hey, I'm so down, I cheer myself up by looking at my old entries. How pathetic can I get? :P
Well, at least I know I still got a bit of that old joker in me. I believe writing things out really helps. It's no good keeping everything balled up inside of you. You'll eat your own heart out.
Since it's the beginning of a new year, let's start things out fresh and clean. So, I'll reintroduce myself to you, my faithful readers.
Hi, my name is Lokman Hakim and I'm currently serving my National Service. I lost a lot of weight, probably around 15 - 13 kilo grammes, so I definitely don't look like the old me. (I look better, I hope. :P) I love reading and learning, especially since my NS job is so...., so very boring. I've read a lot of books and went to some courses on Human Behavior, so I'm some sort of a Profiler now. Don't get me started on what I can tell you about yourself just by looking at your shoes. I'm going to NUS studying Computing Science after this NS stint with my best buddy from polytechnic, Phyo, whom I very much respect and adore. Can't really wait for my service to finish, so that I'll be able to F**K OFF. (Avid readers, excuse the explicit language, if you know me in real life you know that I'm a person who doesn't use swear languages at all. Well, a testament to what NS will do to you. Beware boys!) I sincerely love hanging out with my friends, especially the old onces, since I don't get to be with them a lot these days. I really believe in my heart, I'm the kind of guy who'll do almost anything for a true friend, no matter the consequences. I'd like to think that everyone would know me as a super happy and jovial person, even though lately I've pretty much been otherwise. I'd like to keep up the image though.
I want to know again. To feel again. To live again. Just like I was before. I guess the whole point of me rambling on and on from the top of this entry is needly summed up in those few sentences. But, whatever it is, whatever will come, I know that time and tide wait for no man, and surely, one day, I will be set free. I will be set free. I will LIVE again.
The Ramblings Of Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger,
Lokman
